Do You Own Your Life or Are You Merely Renting?
As a location independent professional I have the blessing of being able to keep my income flowing from any place in the world. It’s an amazing existence but one of the features I don’t like so well is that it means living in rented spaces most of the time. Yes, I can choose the locations, hopefully get something charming and comfortable but as a short term renter I can’t putter. I’ve been a homeowner in Texas for many years and I love doing home remodeling. My husband has been known to come home on many an occasion to find that I’ve ripped out a wall, a ceiling, or heaved an old toilet into the front yard. Nothing like an 8 month pregnant woman with a sledgehammer!
When renting my main concern is just leaving places they way I found them so that I can receive my deposit. That’s not a lot of fun.
In some ways life is the same. When we own our lives we’re free to make changes. If we don’t, the scene is very different. I often find myself in conversations with people back home about location independence. They’re usually intrigued and then the inevitable, “We’d love to do that, but….” comes up. The “but….” usually is finished with something like:
- We have too many bills so we need to keep our income high.
- What would we do with our house and pets.
- My husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/kids wouldn’t go for it.
- My boss would never allow me to leave.
- I’d be afraid of….. (the list of fears is wide. Everything from violence in foreign lands, to losing career momentum, savings, eating foreign foods, ruining the children’s education. You name it)
These are all very real situations and worries. Believe me, I went through them too before making the leap into the world. However, when you allow your life to be controlled by these forces, you are a renter. You’re keeping the status quo, as if there’s a deposit waiting if everything stays the same.
There’s No Deposit
The reality is, there’s no deposit waiting. In my coaching business I was working with a person who’d like to become location independent and she was voicing the fear about ruining her career if she left her job and found new ways to work. Her job is precarious right now and she knows she could get laid off. It’s amazing how we want to hold on to what we know, even when we are on a sinking ship.
There are so many factors in life that are beyond our control. We may hold on to status quo and still a million things can occur that can ruin our plans: a serious illness, loss of a job, kids developing an addiction, etc. etc. . We may try to maintain what we know and be completely derailed at any moment by these outside forces. Our control over our lives is much smaller than most of us want to admit. So why do we hold on so tightly at times to the way things are?
If you’re really wanting to make a change in your life you’ve got to own it. There’s no reward for renting. There’s no deposit waiting for you.
Signs of Renters
Here are some signs of renters:
- They put off making changes until the perfect moment but the perfect moment never arrives.
- They want to know what friends/family/co-workers think about a change they’re contemplating and may often change their minds based on other’s opinions.
- They find themselves eternally ambivalent and unable to commit to a change.
- They keep themselves in situations in which they are owned (ie, financial debt, unhealthy relationships, jobs that own them)
- They allow their health to deteriorate to the point they cannot do the activities they dream about.
- They find themselves coming up with every reason under the sun about why they can’t make the change they say they want.
In all of these situations, the renter is allowing their life to be controlled by forces other than their core ego. These forces can be external or internal but they are all self-made. Debt, relationships, fears, are all products of our own creation. The renter creates situations that keep them from ownership. And when these situations have been created they allow other forces to own their lives. Like a ball inside a pin-ball machine the renter bounces from force to force allowing themselves to be hurled in whichever direction the latest hit has sent them and unable to make any change from their own volition.
Signs of Owners
On the other hand here are some signs of ownership:
- They listen to their own gut and take action based on what their instinct tells them.
- They spend time listening to their inner voice and quieting the noise around them when it comes to important decisions.
- They maintain their personal health so that they are not hobbled by their own bodies.
- They maintain good relationships free of co-dependency.
- They know that sometimes they just have to take action in a certain direction and that things will follow – there’s never the “perfect” moment so they’re not waiting for it.
- They don’t allow themselves excuses. If they decide to make a change they use the power of their personal integrity to see that it happens.
An owner is just that. An owner takes responsibility for their own course of action and is in the driver’s seat. Although we may weigh the opinions of others in our decision making, we will ultimately make the decision and take the action based on our own conclusions.
The Freedoms of Ownership
Once you are an owner of your life, you’re then free to make the changes you’d like to see. Grab the sledgehammer and start knocking out some walls if you want. Change the color to hot pink or neon yellow. An owner can express themselves in ways that reflect who they are. An owner can overhaul their lives, their careers, their relationships because they’re free to take action. Yes, outside forces will still occur and their may be times the owner will have to do repairs but because they are in an ownership mindset they’ll make the repairs and move forward.
How to Become an Owner
If you find that you fit some of the criteria for renting your life, how do you become an owner? It’s not unlike moving from an apartment to buying a house. Moving from renting to owning will take time. Just as it takes time to save money for a down payment, it will take time to move out of some of the unhealthy situations that have been created. Get support, seek help if needed from people who don’t have a lot of investment in the decisions you make, and above all listen to your gut! And just as signing the contract on a first home can be really frightening, taking ownership of your life can be frightening too. Just remember that you’re making this investment for a sound reason and the rewards will be great.
Photo by: leodirac
