Please Help Our Reader Design Her Lifestyle

Please Help Our Reader Design Her Lifestyle

Today we’re asking for help from our Nu Nomad community for a reader who left a compelling question last week.  How many of you have ever felt stuck in your life situations either emotionally, logistically or financially and made the break to change your lives and gain freedom?  Our reader Mindy is in that place right now and needs advice.  I know that many of you are remarkable people who have either managed to design amazing lifestyles or are in the process of doing so.  I’ve gotten her permission to publish this question and draw upon the community.  Please – let’s see what we can offer!  I’ll put on my coach hat and make a first attempt but we need the input of everyone.

I have always been an avid traveler and adventurer (throughout my 20′s and 30′s).  Four years ago I returned to my hometown to take care of my father who was very sick.  I got a 9-5-er and I know that at the time, that was best for me and my family.  In the past 6 months my father has passed away and I have struggled with my brother’s heroin use and trying to help raise my nephew.  I am tired of being here and being sad over things I have no control over.  I am 30 years old now, completely disillusioned with my job and what my life has settled into.  I have no children and in essance, I am free to do whatever I want.  The lease on my apartment is up in 6 weeks and my choice is either to re-sign the lease which continues to marry me to a job that keeps me just broke enough to hold on.  I am tired of swimming in my own pool of mediocrity.  I feel like I am at a crucial crossroad right now and I have gotten so far off my own path that I don’t know where or how to start getting back.

I have a degree in journalism and I love work in recreation and community development type things, I guess I just like to see people having fun and peacefully co-existing with each other.  Please if anyone has any advice, or place where you have found direction, it would be much appreciated.  Thank you

First, Mindy, I’d like to say that I admire your willingness to put your own desires on hold while you cared for your dying father and now your brother and his son.  Living our dream lifestyle is a wonderful thing but can be pushed to a point of selfishness by some.  You have not lost touch with others and our connected nature as humans.  That said, it sounds like you are ready to see to some of your own needs again and that you may be feeling that your current efforts are not fruitful or perhaps have dragged out too long.  Let me also remark that 30 is still young!  You should be able to get back to what you love and have many years to enjoy it when you do.

It’s interesting that you remark “I’m tired of being here and of being sad about things I have no control over”.  Do you know that feeling helpless is a sure fire way to developing depression?  If you feel you have no control it’s no wonder you’re feeling sad.  This is a big wake up call to begin re-gaining some control over your life and environment.

It sounds like the decision about whether or not to re-sign your lease may be a first step to gaining more control.  Have you brainstormed some possibilities?  What are some questions that you might ask?  Some that come to mind for me are these:

  1. Do you have to sign a long term lease or would a shorter term be allowed?
  2. If you sign a long term lease what are your options if you break it?  Can you get a subletter? What’s the penalty for leaving early?
  3. If you don’t sign, where might you live while you make arrangements for the next chapter of your life?
  4. Would it be possible to begin your travels within 6 weeks from now?

You mention that you love work in journalism, recreation or community type things.  What sticks out for me here is that all three of those are nomadable!  What would it take to get a writing job that would allow mobility?  If you love recreation, would you be willing to take work in tourist related services that might be seasonal and allow you more mobility?  (I’m thinking ski lodges, resorts, etc.)  In terms of community related activities, might you have interest in starting with some volunteer positions abroad?  You’ll find a lot online that requires a pretty big payment but I also know for a fact that if you dig a little deeper there are always charitable organizations, small businesses or farms that are in need of help and may even offer some lodging.

For mobile job postings I invite you to start by perusing our Job Board where there is a long list of sites that advertise mobile work.  If you are interested in volunteering abroad without having to pay thousands to do so I’d recommend starting at the Peace Corps site and United Nations Volunteers or Volunteer Services.  Like farming?  Farm anywhere in the world in return for room and board – look at WWOOF.

Whatever you do, I hope you’ll get in touch and let us know how you progress!

Photo by: D3 San Francisco

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  • http://www.getinthehotspot.com/ Get In The Hot Spot

    There are plenty of opportunities out there but you're too bogged down in the daily grind of living. I hope you can sum up the courage to pull yourself out of it and take a risk. It will all pan out in the end and you need a break in all senses of the word. Hang tough and believe in yourself and remember, she who dares wins.

    • http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

      Thanks so much for your comment! I was beginning to feel somewhat dejected that we weren't offering help for Mindy. I think what you said about being bogged down in the everyday grind is probably right on target, not only for Mindy but for so many of us. It takes a lot of determination to make room in that grind so that we can make the changes we want. But if you really want it it's worth it. I know for me, in order to make this blog happen while I'm traveling alone with 3 kids, have another business, and homeschool them – what it takes is writing often between 4 and 6 in the morning. But it's something I really want and so it's worth it. Maybe for Mindy it's going to take something like that too.

  • http://www.nunomad.com Ricardo

    It's interesting that Mindy's dilemma is brought to my attention the morning after I arrived from Payam Island in southern Thailand, which is where I often run off to to decompress. (My current base is in Bangkok. I make websites for nonprofit organizations in the USA.) While on Payam, as is true with most travel destinations that draw many backpackers and independent travelers, I continually meet people who are in similar situations as Mindy–they're feeling stuck and would like to live the nu nomad life but don't know how. But, they rarely willing to do what it takes to make the location-independent life happen. With the little money they're able to scrape up, they dash to the airport and plant themselves on picturesque tropical islands (or other quaint places) until funds run out and then they have to return back to the life they loathed. At least our reader, Mindy, has the foresight to ask the right questions now. As Carmen (our primary blog master) and I have said repeatedly (within our Blogs, web articles and book: “the Nu Nomad”), one has to plan their exit not as some sort of extended vacation, but as a lifestyle change. But I think, more importantly, it comes down to the simple directive: MAKE IT HAPPEN. If you create a realistic timeline, departure strategy and modify your vocational and communication skills to become mobile, you'll most likely make your dream come true. Let's put it this way, if you're a hard worker with marketable skills, and you're willing to take a reduction in income, someone who is looking for your skills will most likely give you a try. What you're doing is giving your potential new client a deal they can't refuse. If you're short on clients, prove yourself to them with some free work (sort of like free samples given at the market). And/or, volunteer your talents with a reputable nonprofit (NGO) organization. Here you can hone in on your professional and people skills, stay sharp, and make important connections. Really, going from work-in-cubical to work-anywhere is a mind thing, and you'll be amazed at how much your friends and others will support you in your goal of becoming location-independent if you demonstrate how important it is to you.

    • http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

      MAKE IT HAPPEN pretty much sums it up. I know it's not easy but it's worth it to follow your dreams.

  • http://365dollaryear.blogspot.com/ j,

    Whenever I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life (so most of the time) I make a list of 10 or 50, or 100 things I'd do or buy or whatever, if I won the lottery. It's a silly sounding idea, but the idea of huge piles of money really frees my thinking from the usual “I need a job, I need money” limitations. So I'd suggest starting with that, after working out the “can I turn my lease into month-to-month” thing.

    Then go through the list, and pick out one, or two, or five things you could do right now. You have a degree, you speak english- if you need starting out money, and already have a passport, you can take an english teaching job somewhere for a year and save like a crazy woman while you work on developing contacts and getting your location independent life off the ground. Or could you pick up a server job for the six weeks, just to sock away some savings?

    I think part of the planning/ escape process has to be asking yourself how “location independent” do you want to be? You could sell everything you own (except laptop, a couple changes of clothes, a camera, and your passport), and take off for parts unknown. Writing allows you to work from just about anywhere while you hunt down a long term service project, or community to work with, or whatever goal you picked as hugely important to you *right now*.

    Ok, I got a bit off track. I guess my real advice is to make a list of your life goals- all of them. Then do one small thing every day, and one bigger thing each week, that moves you closer to getting the heck out of a life you hate, and into one you love. So if you don't have a passport, your week could look like-
    Wednesday- get paperwork @ post office
    Thursday- get photos (kinkos does them)
    Friday- get supporting documents together- birth cert, DL, whatever
    Saturday- Fill out application
    Sunday- make sure it's all right and together
    Monday- make sure you have money for passport, locate “in person acceptance” location
    tuesday- Apply for passport, pick next goal (say, sorting items for sale/ charity) and do your first small goal there.

    Once you get the first one done, the rest get easier. As you get more comfortable with the idea of taking off, you should be able to do more, you'll have the motivation to power through it. Don't take on too much at once, though. Oh, yeah, And don't forget to breathe.

  • http://www.nunomad.com Laptophobo (Ricardo)

    I like J's comment about making a list; pretending that you've won the lottery. What I remember doing some years ago to really push me toward concrete action was to meditate on the idea: “If I only had a year to live, what would I do with that time?” That notion immediately freed me. Out was the fear of letting people down or not living up to some sort of expectation. In was my “get-outta-my-way” attitude! And without really thinking about it, I had built a timeline (1 year) in which to realize my goal (see the world).

    Back then everything seemed impossible–if not just very unlikely. I had a small graphics business, with employees, a labor of love I poured my heart and soul into. I had built a nice domestic life with my wife; I had cats and routines. So, going from all that to nomadic living took some strange turn of events to become real. Actually, at first, I just wanted to see the world for about a year. With my new priorities now committed to (which was the idea of “making my dream happen” in less than a year) I, along with my wife, did make it happen. It was a crazy moment in my life. But, having gone through that experience made all other lofty projects and ideas possible and more attainable.

    Fear is what will hold one down and in the absence of fear is action–and eventually realizing your dream. Setting a timeline, making lists, applying the same commitment to living your life as many of us do toward our careers, is key. Well, at least it was for me. I like J's comment about making a list; pretending that you've won the lottery. What I remember doing some years ago to really push me toward concrete action was to meditate on the idea: “If I only had a year to live, what would I do with that time?” That notion immediately freed me. Out was the fear of letting people down or not living up to some sort of expectation. In was my “get-outta-my-way” attitude!. And without really thinking about it, I had built a timeline (1 year) in which to realize my goal (see the world).

    Back then everything seemed impossible–if not just very unlikely. I had a small graphics business, with employees, a labor of love I poured my heart and soul into. I had built a nice domestic life with my wife; I had cats and routines. In a nutshell, going from all that to nomadic living took some strange turn of events to become real. Actually, at first, I just wanted to see the world for about a year. With my new priorities now committed to (which was the idea of “making my dream happen” in less than a year) I, along with my wife, did make it happen. It was a crazy moment in my life. However, having gone through that experience made all other lofty projects and ideas possible and more attainable.

    Fear is what will hold one down and in the absence of fear is action–and eventually realizing your dream. Setting a timeline, making lists, applying the same commitment to living your life as many of us do toward our careers, is key. Well, at least it was for me.

    • http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

      You know, it's interesting thinking back. When I began to nomad with my family I was in a situation similar to Mindy. I had always loved travel but had been helping my mother through leukemia. She lived with us for the 3 years after her diagnosis and I am her only child. It was after her death that I felt the freedom to begin hitting the road for longer stretches at a time. But it took absolute determination to make it happen. There were a lot of people skeptical about the wisdom of it especially having 3 children in the middle of their education, very little extra money, and a husband who couldn't be nomadic and had little interest in travel. I guess what I'm saying is that we all have obstacles to deal with when we want to pull off something like this. Lists, plans, affirmations, whatever helps each of us is worth implementing because it will stretch us in many ways and we need all the support we can get.

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  • mindymcgee7329

    First I would like to thank you all for your encouraging words and advice and sharing your stories with me. I wasn’t able to get online until Thursday night to read everything and when I did, I felt like I needed to digest it before I posted something on the blog. I printed it out and read and re-read it yesterday.

    I think what sticks out the most is how cool it is to be sharing with a group of people who are all about YES and DO IT. You guys are the type of people I like/need to surround myself with because sometimes it seems like everyone else in the world is so full of negativity and doubt. I love the spirit here and found that it is just what my soul needs. Thank you for that.

    I made the list of things I would do if I only had one year to live (I tried to do the lottery one but that made me feel a little overwhelmed). I was surprised at what naturally came out. I loved the idea about farming jobs (which I have been looking for online the past few months without much luck) and teaching English, which I have thought about but everything I have found online costs so much money. It was good to hear that if I keep looking, there are places to find this kind of work without paying to do it. I am excited to look at the suggested websites from you guys and see what I can find.

    For the past few months I have felt really, really compelled to go to Montana. I don't know why, have never been there or had the desire to go but all of a sudden, I just felt such an odd pull to be there. Over the past three months I have applied for many jobs and the 5 I have heard back from have been rejections. I have since branched out my job search into Idaho and Wyoming, mostly trying to get a job on ranch but so far no luck. I received notice on Friday that there is interest in my apartment and if I do not sign another years lease, I need to be out by June 16. It was interesting to read the one comment about people packing up and going somewhere without a plan only to run out of money and need to return back to what they were trying to get away from in the first place. Odd timing because I was thinking 'well I may just need to pack up and go there with what I got and hope for the best.' Then I read that comment….and I definitely don’t want to set myself up for failure or make any undue hardships for myself.

    Anyway, I will continue to plug along with trying to find either a job or a 'nomad' skill and will continue to post as things progress. Again, I thank you all for sharing your thoughts, stories and encouragement with me. I have never blogged or been on a blog site before and I feel lucky to have run into this one.

    • http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

      Dear Mindy,
      It's so great to hear back from you – these days we tend to forget that not everyone has easy or frequent access to the internet. Since you are interested in farming, I'll reiterate my encouragement to check out WWOOF. You'll probably need to spend the money to get their membership so that you can access the catalog which is full of hundreds of opportunities (I can personally vouch because I have purchased it and contacted several farms successfully). It's well worth it. Remember, also, that if you want to stay in the U.S. this is probably the time to be farming. I imagine there's less opportunity in the winter. I agree with the comment that many people can set themselves up for failure if they don't plan well. However, these paid volunteer positions can be an alternative thing to do while you continue to form your plans. In other words they can not only buy you time but also the experiences you have and people you meet may open new doors for you that you don't now have.

    • http://365dollaryear.blogspot.com/ j,

      WRT teaching english, have you checked out the job boards at dave's ESL cafe? http://www.eslcafe.com/ The schools can be a little biased in hiring, race-wise, but it's one of the better (free) resources out there. Also, try coolworks.com for jobs out west. I can't say anything for Montana, but in WY most employers want to actually know you before they bring you on. There've been a lot of people moving to WY, MT, ID lately because the job market has been more solid, so they've got plenty of local people to chose from. you'd probably not do too poorly just going out there. Only real warning with that is- if you end up in or near a mining or pipeline town, the money is good, but crime tends to be higher, and rents are too.

      June 16th, though, that's almost 7 whole weeks to stockpile cash and find something that works for you. Plenty of time!

      • http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

        Do you know how many of those will hire people if they're not ESL certified? It seems that's a requirement often.

        • http://365dollaryear.blogspot.com/ j,

          I have a friend in S. Korea now, she has a BA in… distributed humanities, I think. She's in the public schools now, but started in a cram school. So far as I know she didn't have an ESL cert when she went over, but it's possible she's got one now. You can't get into the universities without ESL (usually a Masters in it, I think I read), but, in Korea (and I hear China, too) they really just want native speakers with Bachelor's degrees- and in some countries it's tough to get a job if you're not white. ESL is a bonus after that. Rules are different in “international” schools, the ME, and at the University level, of course.

          • http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

            It would be great if there is a list somewhere of which countries or entities will accept teachers without an ESL certificate. I imagine there probably is but I don't know where to find it. It seemed when I was looking a few months ago certificates were required almost everywhere but I'm sure you're right – that there are places that will hire without it. I know in Brazil I met many English speakers who were teaching and were not certified.

  • http://richardshelmerdine.com/blog/ Richard Shelmerdine

    I would just add this to what people have said. Definitely quit your job. If it stresses you out that much then you're better than it. I bet you can provide value somewhere else in your life and earn enough. Your contribution will matter much more on your deathbed than the possessions that temporarily comforted you. You will make a way, you're strong enough.

    • http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

      While I agree with the emotional component of what you're saying – get out of a job if you really hate it – I also recognize that Mindy might need to make her moves with a bit of care so as not to end up in a welfare line some day in the future. It's tough to strike the balance – especially if you're currently really unhappy. Be bold but be smart too.

  • pia lou

    give yourself permission to make a life enhancing decision. perhaps your presence prevents your brother from hitting bottom – and he needs to feel that in order for him to choose life or addiction. allow him that decision, as painful as it would be for you if you lose a brother to addiction. you give no indication of your nephew's age and it concerns me that he would need to be transferred to a safe living situation. or are you taking him with you? it's ok if you go – you must put your 'self' first and have your own needs met in order to help another. take it from me – i'm an old broad! -peace

    • http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

      Perhaps Narcotics Anonymous would be a good place to go to see if they have any groups for family members where Mindy could get some support around how to do what's right for herself first and then her family in this situation with her brother.

  • http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

    Thanks for the information. I’ll take a look. There’s also a nice list on
    Wisebread although I’m not sure of the exact link.

    NuNomad

  • http://the-dame.com The Dame

    Id just like to say, its obvious its time to move on. My motto in life – do what makes you happy, everything else will fall into place. Jump, you will be caught :)

  • http://the-dame.com The Dame

    ps: there is a lot of free or minimal cost volunteer work available around the world. Get Nerdy Nomad's awesome ebook all about your choices here: http://www.nerdynomad.com/volunteering good luck!

    • http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

      Thanks for the information. I'll take a look. There's also a nice list on
      Wisebread although I'm not sure of the exact link.

      NuNomad

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