Here I Stand (almost) Naked Before You - Blogging When Life Sucks | NuNomad Location Independent Living, Lifestyle Design, Independent Travel

Here I Stand (almost) Naked Before You – Blogging When Life Sucks

Here I Stand (almost) Naked Before You – Blogging When Life Sucks

You may have noticed that I haven’t blogged in a while. Ricardo put in a post about Belgium that filled in the space a bit but I haven’t written in several weeks.

Well, I’m going to bare myself before you today and be honest. I haven’t written because I’ve had a terrible case of writer’s block – and I’ve had it because since returning from Mexico my life has sucked.

How Do You Inspire Others When Your Own Life Sucks?

This has been a huge dilemma for me. Some people say, “Just write about what’s happening. People will relate to you and it’s good for your blog.” That could make sense if you’re a single person and you choose to make that decision about your privacy. I mean a lot of bloggers do that and it can be really attractive to read about someone’s personal struggles and feel like you really know them in an intimate way. Believe me, there’s a big part of me that would love to be naked like that.

But my life isn’t that simple. My struggles involve other people: a husband, kids who are old enough to read my blog, and other family members. If I were to tell you everything I’d be making choices to destroy their privacy as well and that’s just not right. So I can’t be as candid as I want.

On the other hand, I’m a really honest person and I find it impossible to cheer about how amazing life is when I’m not feeling it at the moment. And so the dilemma: how to be real without slapping my whole community in front of the public for everyone’s view?

Why Am I Even Telling You This?

You might ask why I’m even telling you this? I mean, this is a blog on location independence, travel and lifestyle design. True. But one thing I know is that as a blogger you have to be living what you’re writing about. My current life situation is putting my ability to be location independent in jeopardy. I’m telling you because I’m going to be going through a huge transition that may result in continued nomading or may cause me to have to turn away completely.

In a Nutshell

In a nutshell, since returning to the U.S. it has become clear that I need to raise my income substantially in order to continue our current lifestyle (ie, roof over our heads, transportation, and needs of 2 teens and a 10 year old). In the not so distant future, I’ll likely be losing access to about 4/5ths of our current family income. I’ve got to scramble and do it quick.

I’m passionate about remaining location independent and so I’m going to be fighting hard to raise that income in a way that we remain able to live where we want.

The Challenge

And so I’m faced with a challenge. How to raise my income substantially in a way that doesn’t ruin our current ability to be location independent?

It’s kind of scary. I’m almost 45, have been out of the traditional workforce for 16 years and the economy isn’t good. I’ve got no idea what’s going to happen, and frankly am a bit overwhelmed at the task before me.

For Now

And so, for now, here’s my answer. I’m going to keep blogging and I’m going to be as up front and honest with you about what’s happening as I can without dragging everyone through the mud with me. I hope that reading about my attempts might help some of you who are also struggling to make your lives what you want them to be. I’m going to count on your positive energy when I don’t have so much sometimes. ….and we’ll see where life takes us!

Photo: Goldberg

http://www.girlseeksworld.com girlseeksworld

I appreciate your bravery and candor. The honest human struggle is compelling and very relatable. I struggle with both issues – the money/stay in one place/out of the job market conversation and the need to tell my story honestly/have it not affect those close to me. (Even though I’m location independent, I’m not “relationship independent.”)

http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

It’s a tough balance to strike. I like your term “relationship independent”. Should do a blog on that someday! Thanks for reading.

http://wandatucker.com Whatwouldwandado

I’m right there with you, Carmen. The privacy issues…the income issues…all of it. Sigh.

http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

But you know, it’s these moments that allow us to show who we are. I’ve allowed myself a few days to curl up in a ball. Now it’s time to (as my grandmother used to say) “shit or get off the pot”. (yes, my grandmother was not the cookie baking type)

http://www.livecollarfree.com/ James Schipper

Change is the only constant. Even if you end up staying in one place for a while, you still have plenty of knowledge to share with your readers. You can keep writing about the topics you know even if you aren’t necessarily practicing them at that particular moment. It doesn’t in any way devalue your knowledge.

Let me know if I can help with anything.

http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

Thanks James! I’ll keep on keeping on. Now that I’ve got some energy back I
do have ideas and Ricardo and I have a surprise up our sleeves soon.
Carmen

NuNomad

http://www.getinthehotspot.com/ Annabel, Get In The Hot Spot

Darling Carmen, what can I say except all the things that really don’t help like this will pass, things can only get better and I am thinking of you and hoping you can come up with a solution to your problems.

It is so hard being married with kids and trying to achieve your goals and dreams. Many of mine are compromised by my three kids but I think we have to be realistic and accept the best possible compromises.

Unfortunately modern mums have been led to believe we can have it all. It’s a lie. We can’t. All we can do is work out what’s best for us and our families right now and above all look after ourselves first because kids need a happy mother.

As always give me a shout if I can help with anything. xoxo From me and the koalas:)

http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

Thanks for the support, Annabel. I know that you as a mom with three kids
can relate to some of my life concerns. The kids definitely come first -
but also, life is a bit like airflight. You know when the attendant says,
“place your mask on yourself first and then secure the mask of your child”.
We have to attend to our basic needs first in order to be there to attend to
theirs. I’ve been fortunate most of my motherhood to have some store of
energy where I felt I had enough to give to them without worrying too much
about myself. Now in time of crisis I realize I really must attend to myself
or that store is going to run out for them.

Anyway, I’m rambling at this point. To your koalas from my roadrunners!

NuNomad

http://www.everydaybright.com Jen Gresham

I applaud your efforts to walk the thin line between transparency and keeping the lives of those around you private. I also wish you didn’t have to go through this time in your life to do it.

Whether you remain location independent or not is less the issue. It’s making your life work in the best way possible. Sometimes you have to be flexible about flexiblity.

Best of luck to you. And don’t underestimate how friends (and readers) might be able to help. ASK.

http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

Thanks Jen. You’re right – flexibility is key. I tend to hold on
stubbornly to things I really want but I may not be able to. And you’re
also right about asking for help. It’s something I hate to do but I may
soon. Luckily I have many friends who have already been incredibly helpful.
I wouldn’t have made it this far without them.

NuNomad

http://jetsetcitizen.com John Bardos – JetSetCitizen

Hi Carmen,

Thanks for honestly sharing some of the details of your situation. I think it is important for people to realize that even apparently perfect lifestyles still have similar issues and problems as everyone else.

My wife and I are probably in a similar situation. We haven’t been able to sell our house in Japan so we are spending a lot more money then we expected on the mortgage, taxes and bills. We don’t have immediate problems but we are also starting to worry about money.

I hope your financial situation improves substantially. We are cheering for you!
http://twitter.com/Yakezie The Yakezie

Would love to hear your story on Yakezie.com in the Yakezie Lifestyle vertical. We’re looking to cross pollinate the personal finance and lifestyle blog genres. Many of us are going the other way, looking to retire by 40-40 with disciplined wealth accumulation and then live location independently.

Love to have you check us out!

http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

Thanks Yakezie. I will go check you out now!
http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

Thanks. You are new to me so I’ll go take a look!

NuNomad

Ricardo

Wow, Carmen, how courageous of you to lay out your current story out for us to read–and, perhaps, benefit from. I too have had to be away from the blog for a couple weeks now. (My situation being way different. My computer crashed in Belgium, and since I hadn’t replaced my back-up computer with a new one yet I have only myself to kick. Perhaps a blog article coming up!)

Anyway, to get back to the subject at hand, chasing your dream when life seems to be unraveling around you is not only a test of courage and character, but gut-wrenching and profoundly sobering when one can’t yet create the solution–especially when they are usually the solution creators. You and I have been working this Nu Nomad community for several years now–more as a public service and social experiment than anything else–and though we know the steps it takes to live a location-independent life, the hard truth to the matter is that it still requires a steady income that has no borders. As I stand on my soap box now (I’ll remove you and your personal situation from the mix here and address the viewership at-large) I’ll encourage those in a similar situation to harden their resolve. The economy has hurt so many of my friends that I’ve lost count. But as we also know, those of us who are dedicated to our dreams, who are methodical and hard-working, have the best chance. As a former employer myself, I know how hard it is to find passionate, creative, focused, people with a serious work ethic. It is even more difficult to find those qualities in those whom I might term “the fearless ones.” (You know what I mean. People who are able to look at adversity as an eventual opportunity. Who don’t come apart when the shit hits the fan.) We just have to remind ourselves that we are a valuable commodity in any economy and that there are employers, clients and potential business partners out there seeking us out right now. And even absent of that, there are still family and true friends who will not let us crash–not if we haven’t given up on ourselves.

I’ll step off my soap box now and say that my heart is with all of you who are fighting for their dreams no matter what. Don’t let the odds of success undermine your journey. And good luck!

http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

Thanks Ricardo,
You give a great reminder to all of us to keep our heads held high, remember that we provide valuable goods and services and that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel (or better, departure gate!) You’re a great example of someone who has steadily built their clientele through excellent service and word of mouth reputation. That’s one of the reasons you’ve been able to nomad continuously for so long. You’re an inspiration!

Serenamako

Ah, la Carmencita, I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. You have such great talent, I’m sure you will find solutions to some of the challenges that face you. Are you by any chance looking for writing work? I may have a couple leads to toss your way. Let me know what you think. xoxo Serena

http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

Hey Serena! We miss you and Oaxaca. Thanks for leaving a comment. Sure – I’ll look at writing gigs. Send me an email if you get a chance, or I’ll send you one to hear what your thoughts are.

Soultravelers3

Carmen, thank you for sharing and I’m very sorry to hear this news, but I am also completely confident in you, so know you WILL find a way through this.

You may also want to look at giving up the roof over your head & many of the needs that Americans think are essential. Living on less & living a minimalist travel lifestyle as a digital nomad can answer many problems, especially financial and part of the reason this trend has grown in this “new economy”.

We’ve lived large as a family while traveling the world since 2006 on just 23 dollars a day per person. Living richly does not necessarily take a lot of money. I’m sure you have read Maya Frost’s book and how they took off with 4 teen age daughters who all launched fabulously without any debt, each graduating early at 20 from University.

More than ever this is a time that we all must think differently. I’m still amazed at what so many American’s think are essential purchases. I would think in terms of living lighter and having more time, rather than working more and making more to spend more, for TIME is truly the greatest wealth. Perhaps this is an opportunity and blessing in disguise…and looking at it that way will help.

Sending hugs from Barcelona and hope things turn around soon. Challenges can also be great blessings as I am sure you know. I broke my arm last year while bike riding on the Danube on our 18th wedding anniversary and ended up in a foreign hospital, with extensive surgery, tremendous physical pain for months and a paralyzed right arm for 11 months ( still healing). Going a year without being able to dress yourself, go to the bathroom, shower, eat, cook etc certainly was hard on the whole family, as was the recent death of my husbands father and 2 close relatives diagnosed with stage 4 cancer soon after we left on our world trip.

Location Independence does not mean no problems, as I’m sure you know & in some ways it can be a more challenging life if one travels to many different lands as we do on a low budget. Life comes with no guarantees & ALWAYS presents challenges.

Be kind to yourself as you walk through this challenge. My key for challenges is keeping my eye on the good & leaving the rest to God. Be like that happy kid joke who found him self surrounded by horse manure & was looking for the pony. I find if I keep my focus on gratitude, it makes challenges easier.

Fear not, worry not, you …and all of us who struggle in one way or another,…. will find your way through this! It is not fun to be shaken to the core, ( btdt more times than I ever imagined possible) but you will be stronger on the other side and when one door closes, another always opens.

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” ~Kenji Miyazawa

http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

Thanks for your supportive comment, Jeanne. Certainly life has its challenges whether you are based in one location or nomading to many. As was said in Buckaroo Banzai “Wherever you go – there you are!” We get by as best as we can and try to make decisions along the way that will lead to our eventual good fortune.

It’s wonderful to know that we have such a supportive online community and a lot of expertise for how to make our chosen lifestyle work.

http://www.livecollarfree.com/ James Schipper

You are quoting Buckaroo Banzai now? You certainly know the way to a man’s heart

http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

It’s one of my favorite quotes. Cool you’re a fan as well!

NuNomad

tdm

Your blog has always been a source of inspiration for me, and I’m so sorry to hear about your recent struggles. I love your writing and very much hope that new opportunities will come your way that allow you to continue with location independent living and working.

I’m not sure if this might be applicable or even helpful to your situation, but my husband and I have found that living in an RV has given us both housing and transportation rolled into one for a pretty low monthly rate. There are several blogs and also the Full time Families online magazine that talk about living and traveling with kids in an RV. It may be one way to continue traveling, as well as take care of the housing and transportation needs you mentioned.

http://www.nunomad.com/blog Carmen Bolanos

Thanks for the kind words – I’m really glad you’ve enjoyed the blog!
Believe me, an RV lifestyle has a lot of appeal and I’m certainly willing to
take a lot of possibilities into consideration. There’d be a big learning
curve for me because I don’t know anything about them – and I’m a little
worried about living in a vehicle when I’m not a mechanic type should
anything go wrong. But again, there is a lot of appeal as well. I follow
Technomadia pretty closely and am always intrigued by the lifestyle they’ve
pulled off in their RV!

NuNomad

http://www.travelswithanineyearold.com Theodora

So sorry to hear that. And such a brave, moving post.

I really hope this serves as a catalyst for dynamic, positive change, and that you can look back and be happy in due course.

With Jeanne, I wonder if you might find that there are many cheaper places to keep a roof over all your heads than the US. Good luck.

admin

Hey Theodora,

I appreciate the support. Certainly change is needed and will happen at some point in the future. I agree with you about the U.S. not being the most economical place to lay your head. However, it’s also not the easiest place to sell a home at the moment. We can look around at many houses in our neighborhood much nicer than our own that have been sitting on the market for over a year with very little traffic. Also, when not all family members are in agreement about a nomadic lifestyle things get pretty tricky. But I have faith that the right direction will clarify itself soon. Hope your travels are going well!

Anonymous

I thank you for this post. I can relate to your feelings – I am, without a doubt, a happy-go-f*it dude, always, but not of late. I’ve had a hard year, and I struggle with what I want (or should) share with my posts. I admire your honesty and trust that you will find your way. We all do.

Sponsor

Sponsor

Sponsor