NuNomad Location Independent Living, Lifestyle Design, Independent Travel

Today we have a guest post from Hugh DeBurgh of The Passionate Warrior.  He calls himself an old coot, but in his mid-fourties, I’m not sure I agree!  I love Hugh’s enthusiasm for lifestyle design and the fact that he’s put his beliefs into action and created a life where he and his family of 6 travel by RV while having experiences they’ll remember forever.  Hugh offers Creative Family Lifestyle Design coaching.  See his bio at the end of the post if you’d like to know more.

Perhaps you are a regular reader here at NuNomad.com?  Or just a newbie?  Either way, perhaps you’ve been reading about all of the exciting nomadic lifestyle possibilities and you think it’s time for you to make a transition to a new life with meaning?  But you wonder if it’s possible to shed your boring old lifestyle without throwing away the things and people that you love most?

Well, it is possible.  I did it.  And you can, too.  You just need some getting-started guidelines and the confidence to take the next step without being overwhelmed.

My Life As an Old Coot

Ok.  I admit it.

I am “middle aged.”  To some folks middle age is just a euphamism for “old but afraid to say so.”

I’m not that old. Being in my mid-forties, I have lots of life left to live. However, I am at a point in life where it’s possible for me to look back and reconsider the direction I’ve been heading.  In fact, most folks go through a similar stage in their lives.  And they call it a “mid life crisis.”

It’s fun to make light of this point in life, but if it is you who are going through it, it is huge.  For the first time since you were just out of college, you are thinking hard about the way you want to live your life.

And for many of us, we don’t like what we see.

I sure didn’t.

Reconsidering a Life

You see, I had a job.  A business, really.  Or perhaps I should say that my business had me, because it dictated how I lived my life, everyday.

I had a family, too.  A wife and four terrific kids. And they had lives, too. Jobs and hobbies and activities and school, and friends, and mountains of commitments, both short and long-term.

I had worked really hard, and sacrified incredibly, for many years.  As a result of this selfless behavior I had the means to send all four of my kids to a terrific (and very expensive) private school.

I had everything that a guy is supposed to want.  And yet, like so many today, I wasn’t happy.  In fact, I was bored to tears.  But I wasn’t exactly sure why.

I knew that I was bored with my job.  Maybe I was bored with my wife as well?

I was bored with the endless routine of my everyday life.

How was I supposed to react to this?  What was I feeling?  Why wasn’t I happy?  Did I need to trade in my job, wife and family for shiny new models?  Would that fix me?

It seemed like that’s what everyone around me was doing.  I’m one of the few people I know who is still on his first marriage and has no step kids.

Maybe we guys just aren’t built for this sedentary life?  Perhaps our inner cave man needs to roam?

At this point I could have reacted to these new feelings in a variety of ways.

I could have found religion.  Some do.  Or I could have run off with a hot blond in a new Corvette. A lot of guys do that sort of thing, too.

I mean, what else are we supposed to do?  We find ourselves trapped in a life that we can no longer stand living. Are we just supposed to grin and take it while our life force is slowly sapped from our being by the tedium of our current lives?

Discovering Lifestyle Design

It was at about this time in my own life that I stumbled over the lifestyle design idea.  Like many folks I read Tim Ferriss’ book, “The 4 Hour Work Week.” And I loved everything about it. And I found websites like NuNomad.com that spotlight the power that lifestyle design can have in turning drab and meaningless lives into inspired ones.

But instead of being excited, I found myself feeling jealous.  In fact, I wished I had never read it.

This Ferriss guy is a Type-A twenty-something over-achiever.  He’s single,  with no apparent long term commitments.  He’s living life like it’s an adventure.  And that’s the way life should be lived, I think.  Better yet, he’s figured out a way to make it all work without living like a pauper.

I’m happy for him.  Sort of.

You see, he’s not me.  My life situation is completely different from his.

I do have commitments.  Lots of ‘um.  Tons of ‘um.  And there are a lot of people who rely on me to keep doing what I’ve been doing.  People who I’ve made promises to.  They’re not going to tolerate me skipping off on some juvenile mid-life jaunt.

My job may be boring, but it pays the bills.  And it took me and my wife years to get it this far.

I love my wife and family very much.  They are counting on me to be a terrific spouse and dad. And I want to be one for them.

So, as exciting as this new concept of choosing my own lifestyle was to me, I was immediately faced with some very hard choices that few others seemed to be writing about.

I saw myself as “trapped” in a lifestyle that no longer fit who I was.  Hell, it never fit who I was, only who I thought I was supposed to be.

Yet I didn’t want to throw out the baby with the bathwater. There was much about my current life that I was not prepared to give up.  No matter what.

And shouldn’t that good stuff make me happy?  Did I really have any right to complain? How many starving guys in Africa would kill to get my life?

So, I found myself faced with a stark choice. Do I abandon my family, old friends, career, and way of life for something entirely new? And uncertain?

I could keep my word to all of those I cared about and who were counting on me, or I could give up completely on my old life in order to live happily in a beach shack somewhere.

Or else I could do nothing and choose my current lifestyle by default. And with the immense weight of momentum behind my current lifestyle, was it even possible to make a change?

What was I supposed to do?  Happiness and integrity seemed to be mutually exclusive.  One or the other, I had to choose.

Years of training had taught me why integrity mattered. I loved my family. And I really wasn’t so sure that I wanted to live in a beach shack.

So that was it, I figured.  I was stuck for good.  Better to stop thinking about this before I upset myself even more.  Maybe Zen Buddhism could help me to just accept my plight?

Maybe it would’ve been better to have stayed ignorantly blissful?  I began to see lifestyle design as a cruel tease for folks like me.  If only I could roll back the clock, imagine all of the things that I could have done with my life?

Are You Stuck in the Wrong Life?

Does any of this sound like your life?

It reminds me of the guys who pine to dump their current lives and become surfer bums and the like.  A few actually do it.  But most just pine.  And do nothing.

Is that me?  Is all this lifestyle design stuff just a juvenile dream of recapturing my lost youth?  Is it time to “grow up?”

Some would say, “Yes.” But I couldn’t accept that answer.  No matter how hard I tried to forget how I felt about my lifestyle, I just could not accept living a mediocre life. And I really believed that the life I was living was mediocre. I knew that I could do so much better.

What Now?

I’ve always been stubbornly driven to find solutions to impossible situations. Maybe I could come up with a solution to this doosie?  What did I have to lose?

So I decided to figure out how I could take Tim Ferriss’ lifestyle design concept and apply it to guys like me.  You know, guys with lives.I wanted it all.  The best of my old life, along with the best that lifestyle design could bring to my future.

What I came up with changed my life forever.

Lifestyle Design for the Rest of Us

The approach that I took was methodical.  One step at a time I fumbled my way through shedding the shell that was my old lifestyle while creating a new one, better suited to who I really am.  And I managed to do this while taking along with me the people who matter to me the most.

I admit it.  It wasn’t easy.  I had no road map, as it was hard to find many examples out there.  And even so, every family dynamic is different.  So what might work for one may be useless for another.

I tried all sorts of approaches, and I made a lot of bad choices.  There were many points along the way when I almost gave up.  It would have been easy to listen to those around me who said that my dream lifestyle would never happen. That real people just don’t live that way.

But I didn’t listen to them, as much as their words hurt.  And I didn’t give up.  I had no idea if I was going to succeed. But I decided there was no going back.  I was stubborn, I guess.

And in the end, when I realized that I had miraculously transformed my family lifestyle from boring to incredible, I was amazed.

To me, just thinking about going through this process, what is still so exciting is that it could be done at all.

I suspect that many folks who find themselves at middle age like me read about lifestyle design and fail to implement it in their lives because they assume that it’s too late.  That they have just made too many commitments and formed too many relationships to change their lives now.

Sure, there are those few who are excited by the idea of introducing radical change into their lives.  Perhaps you are one of these folks?  If you are, you don’t need my help. You’ll just make the change, no matter the cost.

But what about the rest of us?

Here’s a basic breakdown of the steps that I ended up taking that took my family lifestyle from boring to fantastic.

1.) Waking up – Becoming aware that there is a problem (my family’s lifestyle stunk);
2.) Let myself dream again;
3.) Discover my unique path – what should I be doing instead of what  I am doing?;
4.) Discover how other families are transforming their lives for the better – Finding Inspiration;
5.) Decide that it is OK for me to be happy and have a great family life;
6.) Commit myself fully to the process of transforming my family life;
7.) Take a “Family Lifestyle Inventory” - Decide what parts of my life I wanted to keep and what parts I was  prepared to abandon. I considered everything – no sacred cows - career, partner, commitments, everything;
9.) Declare my right to be me to all around – this was about being open about living a new, unique lifestyle in a very conventional and sometimes intolerant world;
10.) Introduce my new vision to my family – be patient but persistent. What’s in this for them?  Will this work? Can we do this together?;
11.) Prepare myself for resistance from third parties  - especially those close to me, like extended family, in-laws, etc. – And stand my ground – Give other family members tools to defend themselves from criticism;
12.) Take tangible action towards our new family lifestyle, one step at a time, and keep going;
13.) Stay focused – don’t let old habits get me off track;
14.) Pace myself – Take it one step at a time – don’t let the complexity of this effort frighten me;
15.) Make the dream real! Do those things I never thought we’d really do.  As a family;
16.) Live every day!  Together!
17.)  Bond with my kids – really for the first time;
18.)  Really get to know my wife – and finally create the relationship we’ve always wanted.

Following this process has allowed me to transform my family’s life. Today, we are true digital nomads.  All six of us (plus a few friends every now and then) live without tethers in our motorhome rambling across North America (and occasionally traveling to other places as well).

My old life is gone.  And my formerly conservative wife is leading the way.

So I know it can be done.  The key is to take it slow, step by step.

There’s Hope for us Zombies

Every day I look into the eyes of ordinary middle-aged people, and I see something there (or fail to see something) that saddens me. Millions of us are living the lives of the walking dead.  Zombies, I call us.

People in desperate need of a lifestye design makeover. But the vast majority of us have no idea what lifestyle design is.

A large portion of us are family folks.  And in Western culture, we are encouraged to believe that wild ideas like lifestyle design are for the “youth.” And perhaps for those who started out their family with lifestyle design as a priority.  They built their family life around their chosen lifestyle.

I used to think that I was SOL.  But now I know that’s not true.

I have discovered that anyone who is well into living a 1.0 lifestyle can shift gears in mid stream and transition to a 2.0 lifestyle designed around those things that really matter to them.

These people in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond believe that they have made too many decisions and commitments in their lives to change now. But they are wrong.

And most of these folks would not normally consider dropping everything overnight to start down a new and better life path.  For starters, it’s seems such a radical approach – and that’s not normally their style. Besides, they see a career they’ve put years into developing, huge family commitments, and the expectations of those around them as immovable barriers between themselves and a happier life.

All of these things can be dealt with.  You just need a plan, and the desire to see it through.

It’s Time To Shed Your Old Shell

If you’ve ever watched an animal shedding its shell or skin you know how amazing a process it is.

I grew up around the Chesapeake Bay on the US east coast.  There, we used to watch blue crabs shed their shells all the time. It seemed impossible for that little creature to slip out of all of those little crevaces and reemerge as a new and bigger being.  The shell left behind looked like it could crawl away, but it was empty.  All that mattered had emerged, and was now ready for a new and bigger life.

Transforming your family’s lifestyle in mid-stream looks to be an impossible achievement, too. But it’s not. I’m living proof.  And I’m just a regular guy, just like you.

So, take a chance on your dreams.  And take the first steps to creating the fantastic family life that you’ve always dreamed of.

What do you have to lose by trying?

All the best,

Hugh

Hugh DeBurgh, The Passionate Warrior, has dedicated his life to the achievement of the ultimate family lifestyle. You can find him writing about Creative Family Lifestyle Design over at his blog, The Way of Passionate Warrior. Currently he is on the second leg of a worldwide travel adventure with his wife and four young children. Follow Hugh on Twitter or sign up for his RSS feed and don’t miss an update!

Photo by: elbyincali